Suicide King..

I pride myself on being a really well centered person who just kind of goes with the flow. Problems are never too big, in fact 90% of conflict only produces opportunities for improvement...

But I AM SICK AND TIRED of my ankle swelling up and hindering, not only my BFL challenge, but my freaking day to day life as well. The most frustrating this is that the ER docs, only give me anti-inflammatory and painkiller meds and send me on my way. My surgeon was out of town nearly the whole month of April and it will be Wednesday before I can see him to find out what the HELL is wrong with me.

I haven't been able to get in more than two or three days worth of workouts in the last two weeks--my food intake is crap because I can't stand up to cook or SHOP for that matter---and my wife is so tied up with her career issues right now (we are mulling 5 different cities for re-location) that she can't do the food thing for me. It SUCKS!...I feel like I am sliding backward, even though I know I haven't ACTUALLY slid backwards---it feels like I am just wasting my time laying around on the couch, whacked out of my skull on painkillers.

But I have no choice. The pain is literally unbearable for many hours out of the day because of the swelling in the fibula. The ankle is all healed but I have literally been walking around on a broken leg for 11 months. The fibula is just not healing.
Now the BONE GRAFT surgery is back in the picture---which means 8 weeks wheelchair bound---AAHHHHH!

___________

Yesterday was spent on the couch---watching the NFL draft as is my annual custom--on the phone with my brother and cousin discussing things in the NFL. My guys, the Denver Broncos took a QB in the first round, signaling the on-coming end to the Jake Plummer era in Denver. Our new guy is a STUD, but needs to cut his hair, he looks like a damn 6 year old.
And we didn't draft Matt "Bi-Curious" Leinart---THANK GOD!

___________

I am gonna hobble to the garage and do some curls to ease my tension---I could think of other tension easing activities, but I am having a hard enough time finding someone to cook me a freaking meal....

My Food---

Since I had to take all those painkillers last week, it has thrown my metabolism out of whack and I am having a HELLUVA time getting my food right. I am craving carbs like crazy. I know WHY, but I can't stop it.

I wish I knew a super hot girl that is really good at EFL, that would put my meals together for me---

Oh well...I guess I don't.

(Did the pity party work?)
___________________

It sure is alot easier to work up a sweat in my garage/gym when it's not 13 damn degrees outside! I might finally be able to lose the water weight--I might try Thermoshred or Taraxatone next week.

_________________

So Kellie is gone. I think it's pretty plain that Chris, Elliot and Katherine have set themselves apart from Paris and Taylor. The difference is that Taylor, for some reason, has a lot of support. He and Elliot were in the middle group last week, so it stands to reason that one of them will be in the bottom 2 with Paris this week.

_________________

Aeon Flux is out on DVD...Charlize Theron in black lycra and vinyl....A special time between a boy and his DVD player.

I hope I don't pass out.

See ya!

Yikes.

Well I was decidedly UNimpressed again with American Idol. I thought Katherine looked STUNNING and I am quite sure that my wife will totally understand when I am arrested for stalking her. My goodness, she gets hotter every week. It wasn't great but I am still voting for her this week. If she would have gone LAST instead of first, they would have told her that she was the best vocal of the night---

Kellie REALLY stunk up the joint tonight though--that MAY have done her in. Paris sucked too. She is really wearing thin with me and her overly dramatic hammy performances. I honestly have no idea how she has lasted this long. She was really crappy tonight. The judges went to easy on her. I really think that Katherine out sang Paris on many many levels...

Taylor was so awful he couldn't even make it on ROCK STAR: DOOBIE BROTHERS....Please. It was terrible----and Chris kicked butt as usual. He picked a great song for him and really nailed it as far as I was concerned. But I have that exact jacket that he was wearing tonight. I haven't worn it since 2001 but it's in my closet.

I was really disappointed with this--especially after last week's great show.

Bottom 3 SHOULD be:

1. Kellie

2. Paris

3. Taylor

And either Kellie or Taylor goes BYE BYE---

_____________

On a personal note:

I have managed to get in two workouts so far this week. Chest workout was good and Biceps were good, as always---but the shoulder workout was not very productive after a week off---BUT I walked into Big 5 sports today and the guy there said that I was "HUGE"...he hadn't seen me since January--so that's a good thing huh?

Recovering enough to workout--

I spent the weekend pretty much on my couch with my leg up. The swelling was down considerably on Sunday. Enough that I could get dressed and go to a dinner at friends that we had planned for weeks. I was the one cooking, so they kind needed me. That's the first pic right there---as we were leaving---

Then this morning, I decided to go to a little secluded area called Benham Falls and take my 35mm cameras (I have three different ones) and all the lenses and take some pictures, sit in the sun with the laptop and write a few pages on the book before heading home. I know, I know, how many hobbies could one man have?....

I couldn't walk down very far, and it was FAR colder there than it was at my house--it was 65 when I left my house and 43 when I got to Benham Falls, which is literally only 12 miles away---but it's up on the mountains to I should have expected it.

I managed to take a few great shots that I will post after I develop the film but I had the digital with me so here is a pic of the morning as well---

Oh yeah, and as I was driving up the dirt road, I saw what I thought was a coyote in the road so I slowed way down--so I wouldn't scare him---and when I got closer he bolted into the woods and I could tell it was a WOLF....So I jumped out of the car, hobbled down the gravel road and spotted him about 100 yards back in the trees--I grabbed the Pentax manual camera and slinked back there a bit--I didn't have the right lense for the shot, but I managed to get him to look at me twice and got two shots of him...I will digitally enhance them when I get them developed and post them here if they are any good---he was cool though---really heavy winter coat still on---

I think I will call him Two-Socks...


It was too cold to sit and write, so I headed home. My ankle swelled a little on the way, but I took some ibuprofen just now, so I will start working out again today. I did gain about 4 pounds will I was down, but that is ALL water weight from the painkillers so that will be gone by the end of the week.

I have an appointment with the surgeon when he gets back in town next Wednesday, so as long as it stay ABOUT where it is now, I will be fine until then.

Wish me luck on the workout!

Kit

NOT gonna Derail me...

I know that 90% of the people that get hurt, injured or disabled during their challenge (even for a just a week) will fall off the wagon and forget the challenge..telling themselves that they will start over in a couple of weeks...

I am NOT gonna be doing that. I am simply going to play it like THIS WEEK never existed. So when Monday rolls around, I am gonna measure and lift again just like it was the beginning of week 9, not the beginning of week 10. I haven't eaten badly---just haven't eaten enough---and I worked out on Monday---so that's what I am gonna do.

I still have my wheelchair, so maybe I'll rig something up in the garage that will allow me to do my shoulders at least, tomorrow--and then back to full work on Monday.
______

I have to think of a name for my anthology before May 15th---at least a working title for the editors to refer to and I can't think of anything. The genre is not easy to pin down. I described it to Sarah as "not horror but sometimes scary...not fantasy but sometimes fantastical...."

I would say that it's like Dean Koontz but Dean Koontz writes like a child, I like to think that I am more literary than that. Of course, maybe I just have too high of an opinion of myself as well....
I would like to say that it's like Clive Barker, but Barker writes like a genius and I can't put words together like he does. Plus I don't have all the homo-erotic story lines that he does.
It's not as epic Stephen King, Anne Rice or Michael Crichton---not as sciencey as Robin Cook or as delibertate as Peter Straub---Maybe the closest would be Dan Simmons. Though sometimes he tends to get off on tangents---but hey, so do I, I guess---

So help me come up with a name for my anthology and I will give you a THANKS at the beginning of the book. Then all the bookworm, goth chicks will read it and be jealous of you...HA HA HA!

Here's an excerpt from one of the stories:

“The visitor who peered at you as you slept is called Jack. At least he was called Jack, in his time. In these days, he is not called anything by anyone. In these days he has no family or friends.”
“I’m still not sure where you are going with this.”
“Please, Steven. If you would…”
“I’m sorry. Go ahead.”
Mr. Smooth continued, “He is in fact, not actually alive. At least not in the sense that you know the word. He has managed to keep his heart beating for many years past his intended existence. Undead you could call him."

Steven decided to interrupt at this point, whether Mr. Smooth liked it or not.
“Three points. One: This is all bullshit. Two: What does this little fantasy have to do with me? and three: This is all BULLSHIT!”
“It is very true, I assure you,” said Smooth. “It’s no fantasy.”

Jack stared at Mr. Smooth for a very long, very deliberate time.
“Let’s assume you are not insane. What does this have to do with me?”
“I did you a favor. Now, Jack is the repayment,” said Smooth. “Many years ago Jack made a deal with me. I helped him out of some financial troubles, he promised me specific collateral. You are going to collect that collateral.”

In an instant, Steven felt the conversation get out of hand. What did he say, collateral? In his opinion, this Mr. Smooth was without doubt; a nut bag. But he talked with no hint of prevarication. No indication of madness, save for the topic itself. Who was he supposed to be after all? The Devil?

For some reason that thought held comfort.

So you see this is a 'deal with the devil' gone bad story. With a twist that's never been done before--not all of the stories are like this. Some are shockingly twisted (Mad, Mad Martha) and some are sensitive and haunting with a slight supernatural twist (A Man Above it All and Black Eyed Susan) and some are flat out brutal (In the Forest, The Monsters and Under the Thumb of Donna)
But they all deal with outside 'things' intruding on real life. Sometimes those things are people and situations and sometimes they are actually THINGS...

So did I scare you off yet?

Let's just say that my three favorite books of all time are Doctor Zhivago, Lost Horizon and The Exorcist---that should tell you all you need to know about me....if anything, I am not easily boxed.

Nope. You can't pin me down...

Well, that's not true either. You could if you wanted.

Once again..
The leg fails me.

So Tuesday night, my ankle started swelling. Wednesday morning I woke up and couldn't put weight on it...So I called my surgeon and he is out of town until May. So I iced it and figured it would get better.
It didn't.
So I went to the ER and after X-rays and two different doctors, no one can seem to tell me why I can't WALK!...They emailed the X-rays to my surgeon (ya gotta love living in 2006 huh?) and he is gonna tell them what to tell me when I go back to the office tomorrow. I KNOW it's gonna be surgery. I can just tell.

On the plus side, it's giving me plenty of time to write.
On the minus side, I can't sleep without the drugs---which I hate.

By the way, after Chris was in the bottom 3, it proves that only one of two things happened:

1. America is full of retards
2. American Idol sets this up to build drama, much like they did with Katherine a few weeks ago.

I have to go now. It's time for more ice.

Peace--

Just give it to him right now...

Chris won American Idol tonight after that SHOCKING STUNNING performance. Just give it to him right now. That is the first time since Kelly Clarkson, I saw Simon clapping after a song. That was UNREAL...That was the singular best performance I have seen on this show in the history of the show. UNBELIEVABLE!

By the way, Paula was rockin the cleavage tonight.

_________

I am back online again and have great news. It appears, barring some major screw up on my part, that my anthology of short stories is going to be published in paperback at some point this year. AND I have the option to present a novel for consideration in 2007. I don't want to get ahead of myself, but it's entirely possible that I will finally get noticed for my writing at the age of 41...Overnight success huh?
It's all I have ever wanted to do since I was thirteen, but life always seemed to jump into the road and cause me to swerve away...

My friend Sarah told me that I am a rock star because of all the cool stuff I have done. From playing professional baseball, to doing major market morning shows, to being in bands that got to open for major 80's acts to kissing Gwen Stefani's abs backstage at a No Doubt show in 1996 to fighting Tommy Lee's bass player on the beach in Panama City to.....(on and on)----My life hasn't been the most stable--lots of moving around--lots of unrealized promise---but it's been a helluva lot of fun.....BUT ALL of that would pale to the ability to be a published author and spend the next half of my life doing that. I just hope I don't fuck it up...HA HA!....

I told them that I don't care if I have to quit my job and carry cases of my books in the back of the car to book signings and sell them out of my trunk. As long as people are reading me, that's all I will ever care about. Even if I never make a dime.

I was so excited after talking to the literary agent today that I forgot to workout---so I guess tomorrow gets to be Back, Biceps and LEGS....

By the way, do you think that Rod Stewart looked at Kelli when he met her and thought "If this was 1982, you would be so LAID right now..."

Week 8 GONE...4 more to go!

Well, I am NOT pleased with the lack of bodyfat lost in the last two weeks, BUT I am VERY pleased at the amount of muscle gained and the obvious firming and toning that the muscle is doing. The boxing is helping tremendously. I am averaging about 6 3 minute rounds a day, AFTER the regular workout. Except shoulder day--There is no way in HELL you can punch a heavy bag after working your shoulders as hard as I do.





ALSO, it's April 17th and it SNOWED 3 inches last night! I feel like getting in my car and driving to Florida RIGHT NOW...I can't stand this weather anymore.

ALSO, it appears that I won't be able to play baseball again this year. The surgeon wants to do another surgery to remove two of the screws that are in my leg because they are the source for the pain that I have been putting up with, BUT if I do that, I will be down for three weeks---and that is NOT gonna happen right now.

SO, I am putting off the surgery until the fall, which means that I won't be able to play baseball on the leg with those screws in there---

I am still hijacking my neighbor's WiFi....But the new IP comes tomorrow so hopefully, I will be back to normal on Tuesday.
If I have missed your emails or not responded quick enough for you...

Well you can just eat me.

Kidding. Sorry.....HA HA HA!

Well, it's Saturday--

I am able to hijack my neighbor's WiFi for a few minutes each day to sign on to email and check the news and such---but I have discovered that a day without the internet sucks. I felt like I was missing something the whole day. Thankfully, no major client issues came up and I didn't have to forward huge files to anyone.

I think I am pretty well done with Tracker. I know people mean well on that board, and I think that 75% of the people on there are on there for the right reasons. People like Sarah and Suz and LisaMichele and Lori and Me and that razorback guy and that Bgrego dude and marijade and katiefeldmom and a many many many others--but there is an element of ego stroking, bossy, holier than thou JACKWADS on there that makes me want to go away.

I try ot to surround myself with that kind of energy and when I know that there are people out there that are using it to further their own legend in their own mind and then treating it like they own the board---AND being hypocritical behind the scenes (using PMs to harrass women, using PMs to undermine what others try to say, etc...). I just think it's bad juju.

There is one guy in particular who I KNOW FOR A FACT harasses women on their all the time, and then posts threads about how each person should behave on the board. It makes me sick. Even though it's just a message board, it's still bad energy to be around people like that.

I will still post my progress on there and check out my friends who I have made, but my days of trolling around that board three or four times a day, are over.

Hell, all the cool people already know me anyway---and they will come here if they give a damn!...Like you!

_____________

Oh yeah, I know I didn't get a chance to comment on Idol this week, but I have to tell you---I really thought it was gonna be ACE---I am really tired of his high-pitched girl voice and his obviously closeted gayness. COME ON ACE! COME OUT TO THE WORLD! I WILL RESPECT YOU MORE AND MAYBE EVEN VOTE FOR YOU! JUST TELL THE WORLD YOU LOVE THE MEN!

I have no idea who's next--but I predicted after Week one that the final two would be Katherine and Chris and I am still on their trains. Though I think Kelli Pickler is gonna be hard to beat.

Next week it's Paris or Ace--

WOW...Talk about PISSED!

First, let me tell you that I have had major internet issues, which I blamed the wrong source for---and here is how I found out that I was wrong:

Yesterday, I had so many issues trying to send and recieve emails, work online and do various other internet related things---now you must understand that my business is 90% internet driven...so NO INTERNET---NO WORK!--So I was chewing my host out, who blamed a virus (probably just to get me to stop calling them)--THEN last night, my internet stopped completely!--

So after spending hours and hours trying to figure it out---calling QWEST (my internet bastards)---and getting more and more upset...and JUST when I thought I couldn't get any madder---I found out what happened.

My neighbors across the street moved out. And QWEST turned off MY internet, instead of theirs---so harm, right? Just turn it back on...

"We'd be happy to do that sir. We will have to open a new account for you, because your account has been closed---but this will only take a minute---(click...click...tap...tap...)...OK, Mr. Moss---you're all set---we're sorry for the trouble---your internet will be installed on April 24, would you prefer morning or afternoon?"

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!" I said in calming tones.
_____________

Suffice to say that after 2 hours of talking to people that couldn't give a DAMN about my business, I told them to shove it---and I found a new internet provider--who won't be able to connect me until the 17th, but at least I am not giving money to QWEST every AGAIN!...

So here I sit, at Barnes and Noble--using their hotspot for $3.95 an hour---totally out of contact with clients, friends, tracker pals, etc....

So give me a week to get back to normal. If you don't hear from me---this is why----

In the meantime--I am gonna work off some aggression on the heavy bag and not answer some emails.

Week 7---5 More weeks to go---

This weekend was kinda sucky. I rolled my stinking ankle--again (for those of you new to the blog, go to the March archive and see the ankle pics), picked up a nail in my car tire AND left my BFL success journal on top of my car and it sat there, in my driveway for 12 hours--IN THE RAIN---so that's ruined.

Oh well...life is life and some times are more stimulating than other times.

I am down another BF% as of this morning. Now at 18%. But I expect that to really drop in the next 5 weeks.

You can see from th pic that my chest and neck REALLY made some gains this past week. In fact, the guy at GNC asked me what I was doing to get so WIDE across my shoulders...so others are noticing. Especially in clothes. My shirts are tighter in the right places and smaller in the others---

In fact, most of my shirts are getting too short in the sleeves, due to my increased shoulder and back width--and when you spend as much money on clothes as I do (and I am worse than most of the women I know) this is not really good news for the Macy's card!

Speaking of credit cards, I just want to bitch for a minute about Shell.

I have one of their gas cards, and I NEVER pay my bills late---but something happened in March and the gas card bill didn't get paid until April the 2nd...right on the due date.

Today, I went to get gas and they said my card was locked out. After 5 minutes on the phone, I discovered that even though I paid the bill ON the due date, ONLINE...it take 48 hours to post, so my payment was not there yet and they always lock the card if your bill is late and over the limit---I drive alot so my gas card is ALWAYS at the limit by the end of the month---but it's only over the limit because they didn't post my payment AND charged me a $25 late fee!

That's a bunch of bullshit if you ask me.

So I made up a little poem. Please enjoy.

"Shell can go to Hell."

The End.

_

The two new shirt designs should be ready later today---or tomorrow---

If you haven't already, PLEASE buy a shirt

http://www.cafepress.com/3rdbase28

Scroll down a few posts to read the whole story about Ron.

So much to say---

First--we have had lots of lookers in the shirts and a few sales--Thanks so much for everyone's attention---please order! If you don't know the whole story, scroll down.

http://www.cafepress.com/3rdbase28

__________________________________________

Also--In addition to the boxing, I did UBWO today and (get this) here was my final exercise of the day, Single Arm Curls:

1st set

15reps at 50lbs each arm

2nd set

10 reps at 60 lbs each arm

3rd set

7 reps at 65 lbs each arm

4th set

4 reps at 70lbs each arm

That is a 30% increase on the 3rd and 4th set from last week!----

_____________________________________

Also,

Here is a note to EVERY SINGLE GUY BETWEEN 25 and 50---Please pay attention---

1. The rest of us shaved our goatees off in 1999---please catch up.
2. If you choose to wear the goatee, please don't wear baseball caps. You are ALL starting to look exactly the same

____________________________________

Also, I finally learned to play Wonderwall on the guitar---It was way easier than I was trying to make it--so now I can't stop singing and playing it---

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding

And all the lights that lead us there are blinding

There are many things that I wouldLike to say to you

But I don't know how

Because maybe

You're gonna be the one that saves me...

And after all....You're my wonderwall

______________________________________

Also,

Please buy T-shirts for Ron!

http://www.cafepress.com/3rdbase28

Helping my friend Ron--

Ok. 1st, please pass this along to as many people as you can---without spamming the tracker---but I need at least 100 purchases to make this work--so I am counting on all my tracker friends to spread the word, not just today---but for a couple of weeks---

My friend Ron, as you may know, just found out that he has a tumor in his head that isn't going away--ever. He doesn't have long to live---6 months to 2 years tops, barring a miracle.

He doesn't want to accept any charity, attention or other things right now. And after talking to my business attorney, it's too much of a pain on the family TAX wise for me to do something from out of state--he has asked that people donate money to cancer research instead of him--

BUT---he has a son the same age as my son---so I want to do something for him.

So here is what I am doing. Since he was getting into BFL and is still gonna stick with the exercises as much as possible---

A friend of mine and I have designed 3 different T-shirts for BFL'rs---we are selling them for $14.99 a piece---with about 5 bucks as profit---that $5 will go to Ron's kid in GIFT form---I would like to get them at least $500 (in addition to the $500 that I am giving them from my pocket) or more....that the mom can use for whatever they need--since all of their money and attention is going for medical care---so I need as many people as possible buying these---

The shirts say:

"BACK OFF, it's my free day"
"Size Matters...well portion size anyway"
"Don't talk to me, I'm hitting my 10's"

We have two more that will be there on Monday---

AND if there is any slogan you want---I will design it for you and put it on the site---Just tell me what you want it to say---

Now, since you are getting something in return, it's not a charitable donation---but it's cheap enough that I think everyone can do it---so---please, pass this along---

HERE IS THE LINK:

http://www.cafepress.com/3rdbase28

You think you are
hitting your 10's?

HIT THIS....

So my first boxing workout was tonight. My goal was 5, 3-minute rounds with a 1 minute 'rest' between each. During the 'rest' you are supposed to lightly bounce on your toes---

I managed 3 rounds before the massive coronary. I NEVER worked this hard on cardio in my LIFE...I designed the workout myself since the boxing dude can't come until next week---

You start each round throwing left and right jabs at the heavy bag for one minute. Then it's a minute of combinations, then the last minute (your 10's) it's an all out assault on the bag; lefts rights, crosses, jabs, hooks and yes, low blows---that bastard was pisisng me off. If he had ears I would have bitten one off----

My goal for Friday's match is 6 rounds---wish me luck.

This is twice the workout that I thought it would be...I am hooked. I might even train for real and take a fight in the fall---I have a whole list of people who I want to drop...HA!

Wednesday---

Well, I didn't get to talk much about Idol last night--I hate country music so much that it actually hurt me to watch the show--

The only thing worse than country music?
Watching Taylor and Mandisa SING country music...YIKES--

I have no idea who goes tonight, but I think it's Taylor. He has stunk for 3 weeks in a row....
But America is dumb, so it'll probably be a crime like Katherine or Elliot.

Other things:

I have a plan in place to help my friend Ron's kids---details are coming soon.

My boxing stuff is gonna be here today--I hope---so I will have details about THAT too--

I might get to play golf with Ray Romano in July---details on that coming as well---

AH---DAMN!

I just found out that a great friend of mine, who has been on BFL for 4 weeks and is doing great--has a brain tumor-and isn't gonna make it very long.

THIS FREAKING SUCKS! DAMMIT!

He has a son the same age as my son and a wife who doesn't work. They are gonna suffer so much, it breaks my heart.

Sorry for the downer post but I felt like screaming and no one is hear to hear it---

Here is a pic...

My son was named Student of the Month for Arpil and we need to send a family picture for the student newspaper--so here is the one we took---

Not gonna worry anymore...

I have decided to do the following:

• Revise my goal weight
• Ignore the scale and not worry about my goal weight

I had a very interesting conversation/evaluation by a fitness coach from the San Jose Sharks hockey team---he is a friend of my neighbor who occasionally comes over and works out with me---

Anyway, he did a bunch of measurements on me---did my bodyfat with his calipers (in like 9 places on my body) and said that my bone structure, combined with my height, my genetics (based on family traits and photos from when I played ball) tells him that I could EASILY carry 210-220 lbs at 9-11% bodyfat--He said that my focus on weight loss is what is causing my body to hang on to all the water---I am gaining lots of muscle, losing bodyfat and doing well---but my diet is causing me to not give my body the proper amount of calories and my ratios of carb/protein is not what it should be---He said I should be focused on ONE THING only and that is GAINING muscle---and the fat loss will take care of itself over the course of time, as long as I start the boxing cardio next week. And of course, keep eating clean.

Then he showed me pictures of guys like Mike Tyson, Sammy Sosa, Terrell Davis and TONS of hockey guys, celebrities and others---all guys around my height, close to my age, who are all over 220 lbs---and who's BF is below 12%---In fact the guy who I have set as my body image--Vin Diesel--is 230---and only an inch taller than me--

So I am not gonna get worked up over a few pounds up or down as long as my BF is below 13% by the time I am done.

I am naturally a strong guy, and my muscle tend to be very THICK when they are built...but I never concentrated on them before---because before I got hurt---I never had a NEED to worry about it---I was always in pretty good shape---Hell, I bet I didn't weigh myself more than 10 times from 1995-2005....only after I got fat from inactivity did I become obsessed about my weight, because the DUMBASS doctor told me that I needed to lose 20-30 pounds to help take the pressure off of my ankle...instead of telling me to focus on getting stronger---

I so desperately didn't want to be the limping guy that I concentrated everything on weightloss--

So despite everything I KNEW about fitness and everything I have since learned--My brain was till obsessed with getting the weight off instead of JUST getting the BF down----

So if I am gonna be 215---I am just gonna be 215----that's actually good news---I mean hell I am 206 now---so I get to GAIN weight...HA!